GenCon 2014 - Part I, Prelude

It's been almost a week since our exhausted return from the Nerdvana that is GenCon. It was a long, strange trip this year from the Monday prior right through to Sunday evening.

For those that don't know, on the Monday before GenCon, riding my bicycle home from my son's football practice, I slammed on my brakes to avoid a situation. My front brakes worked wonderfully. Unfortunately, my rear brakes failed completely. This sent me over the handle bars and on to the pavement. For my troubles, I ended up in the emergency room with a mild concussion and a jacked up right hand, wrist, and shoulder.

I was lucky in that I did not break anything - just a lot of soft tissue damage and pain. Unfortunately, there was no way I could drive from our abode in the far northwest suburbs of Chicago to the Indianapolis.  Heck, I didn't even know how I was going to get all of our stuff in the van now that I was in a sling. But I have an awesome wife who, despite hating driving in that kind of traffic, took on the pilot role.  I'm not sure who was more anxious...

But  with the kids' help and my wife's will, we made it down to Indy...only to be standing on the street with nowhere to sleep. I'm not getting into details, but I am fortunate to be able to stay in a condo just up the street from the convention. Problem was, the keys to that lair were in a closed UPS store just of Monument Circle. Apparently the delay in our departure (due in no small part to the slow packing because of my injury) and the one hour time difference placed us outside the UPS store 55 minutes after it closed.

Now, we were fortunate in that we had a spare key for the condo itself. Problem was we could not get into the building. The security system into which one can punch a code and gain access was in the process of being repaired; a fact we found out later. all we faced is a sign that read something like "Temporary - Access only through garage 8/13-8/14" Now the only way in was using a special key fob and going through the parking garage...a key fob we did not have because it was on the key chain sitting in the UPS store.

After waiting around a while (with part of the contents of our vehicle on the curb) to see if someone would come out or go in (thus opening the door to the building) a worker from the restaurant  in the adjoining building - which uses the same lobby/basement - took pity on us and used his access to allow us to gain entry. Finally we were in! We then had to play a kind of relay game to unload the vehicle - with me playing the part of door stop, for which I'm eminently qualified...and not just because my injury limited my carrying capacity.

We had expected to arrive at about 2:00 PM, relax for a while, eat some dinner, then go to a party that is a Wednesday night tradition. Instead, we arrived at 8:00 PM (local time), scrambled to get ready, then headed to the party sans children; if we all went, we wouldn't be able to get back in the building!

We were already pretty exhausted...and the  convention hadn't even started yet...

GaryCon V - Day 5

The last day is tough. I have to say goodbye to a lot of folks I’d rather hang out with, at the very least, for just a little bit longer. I have to pack up everything and load the car…including all the crap my kids have brought. While all that is going on, the kids still want to play.

This year, Mark Clover was running a minis battle on Sunday morning. We chased the kids out of bed early, got everything packed in the car, then returned to the convention to kill some things.

It was a fairly simple game and the kids have played in similar events at Chicago Game Day at GamesPlus.

So now I’m just going to post a bunch of pictures of the kids and I playing…because, really, what is more rewarding that showing kids getting into gaming? SIGPUP!

It was a fun game, though I was exhausted. When time ran out, we counted ships and figures and we were within a point or two of each other…so we called it a draw.

After, we said a few more thanks and a few more goodbyes, and then it was the long 50 minutes drive home. Heh.

And just for the heck of it, some other miscellaneous pictures of kids at play…

By the way...in that last picture, the young man on the left in the black shirt (who is a bit blurry in the picture) is the one who joined in our Night of The Walking Wet game the night before!

Only 8 more months until we, I hope, all gather in Lake Geneva again. I'll have to fill the time by starting to plan for GenCon 2013!

GaryCon V - Day 1

It’s that time of year again; the time when winter is grasping desperately, but no less effectively, with its frigid, desiccated caress. Yet spring tries with the temerity of a newborn foal to stand. And one of the first signs of spring for my family and me is GaryCon.

GaryCon is a gaming convention held in the honor of the Father of Roleplaying Games, E. Gary Gygax. Gary Gygax passed away in March of 2008. After his funeral many of his friends and family gathered informally and gamed in his honor. The following year, in 2009, Gary’s son Luke Gygax, along with many of the Old Guard of gaming, decided to continue this tradition. In the intervening years, GaryCon has become a kind of living memorial to a man who influenced many lives.

Every year it’s been run publically, from 2009 until now, I’ve attended GaryCon. The first year it was a mad dash to Lake Geneva’s American Legion Hall to spend a Saturday gaming with a hundred or so others…treading the creaking wooden floors gamers once tread to attend early GenCon. This year there were over six hundred people filling the rooms and halls of the Geneva Ridge Resort in Lake Geneva.

I arrived on Wednesday afternoon. For my family and me, one of the great aspects of this particular gaming convention is that it takes place about 50 minutes from our home. This is very handy for several reasons. On Day 1 it is convenient because my wife can drop me off and then return home. This allows me to start my convention on Wednesday night while my family doesn’t join me until later – thus avoiding school absences and keeping us at one vehicle when Day 5 rolls around.

Ah, the best laid plans of mice and men…

I was settled into my room at about 2PM only to have my boss call and request some things. Since I wasn’t officially on vacation yet, I had to fire up my laptop and get some work done. I thought this would be a bad omen, but the work went quickly and I was done by 4:30 PM. I wondered downstairs to pick up my badge, as well as those of my family.

At this point you can tell it’s a pretty low key affair. Some folks are just arriving; many do not arrive until Thursday or later.

But it is clear there’s still important work to be done…then again, it seems Chris is always busy during this convention.

Registration took all of about 5 minutes and I was back in my room checking emails to ensure my boss didn’t require any last minute changes…and taking a nap. Yet another sign I’m getting old.

I woke about 6:45 PM or so. One last check of emails and then I was going to head down to the bar to hoist a couple. As luck would have it, the inestimable Doug Kovacs sent me a text message about 7:15PM to see if I was around. Next thing I know, I’m in a Gamma World game with Michael Curtis running it, Doug Kovacs on my left, and next to him Jim Wampler.

I had not played Gamma World…well, non 4e Gamma World…since 1979. I grabbed some d6’s and was off to the races. Michael used the 4d6-drop-the-lowest, and I rolled pretty well except for Dexterity. Some random generation of Mutations and my basic character looked something like this…Vico Din Fenrik (a note on names – people were batting about the idea of using chemical names from the various drink bottles on the table…I went with a different chemical I sometimes have to ingest):

Now those random mutations were awesome, in the powerful sense, for some in the group. For me? Well, I got physical mutations of Attraction Odor, which attracts carnivores 30-90 kilometers away – and Narcolepsy, which gave a 2% chance to fall asleep for 6-60 minutes in a stressful situation….awesome in a completely different way. I did get one mutation that turned out to be really quite powerful – Intuition. That mutation provides a +3 per die of damage.

Then Michael rolled us some random weapons and tech equipment– I got a stun rifle with one...that’s right, one...charge and an energy cell charger. I’m still not quite sure what the latter does. After that it was random gold and a bit of shopping. This took me a while due to not being as familiar with the equipment list as I am with the standard fantasy setting’s list. Given my mutations, I figured that Vico was kind of the feral outside. Who wants to hang out with a guy that attracts carnivores? So I went with a kind of barbarian-in-apocalypse feel…except for one purchase.

Remember that Intuition mutation? Well, I found I could afford an Energy Mace. This weapon does 10d6 of damage. Intuition gives me a +3 to each damage die. So I figured if/when I hit with this weapon the results will be quite spectacular…at least 40 points of damage (if I roll one on 10 dice)!

The last thing I purchased was something called a Neutralizing Pigment. I’m not sure what these are (some kind of salve you put on), but Michael ruled I could find one (gray) that cut down on the aforementioned Attraction Odor enough that existence wasn’t a constant battle with swarming carnivores – it was a one shot after all.

By this point, we were all set to go. I took about an hour and a half to gather and build our characters so we took a quick break and then settled in.

What follows make shake any collectors to their very core. As we started, Michael pulled out the original dice from this set. How did we know they were the originals? Well, for one thing, they were still in the plastic bag…

Then he proceeded to tear the bag open. I’m not kidding when I say we were surprised…not in the sense that we didn’t know what was about to happen, just that he’d do it. So, of course, I had to get pictures of him tearing open a bag of dice that probably hadn’t seen fresh air in 30 years…

With all the preparations behind us, we played…

According to my notes, our little party was made up of:

Skell  (bony arms) – Jeff

Ash (The Flammable) - ??

Badge (The Honey Badger) – Zach

Gigantor (6M Tall) – Jim W.

Frictos (Pure strain human) – Doug

Vico (The nervous savage) – Me

Our tribal leader of the Fenrik clan was Benzoate. Since it was a good year and we, the “warriors” of the clan, had some down time, Benzoate was sending us to the Palace of the Ancients. It was a tribal tradition to send boys there as a rite of passage, so we knew something of it – its location being the most important at the moment – but also that it held artifacts of The Ancients.

Off we trudged to the Gorge of the Dead Worm and scaled the western edge to find the Arrow of the Ancients that would take us to the Enters and from there into the Palace. There, lying in the shadows was the massive metal Worm for which the gorge was named. We were tempted to climb down to investigate, but Frictos used his magic speaking device to consult with Benzoate who told us to forge ahead (Doug’s character had a communicator but no matching one, so he would “communicate” with our chief, who did not have a communicator, to determine what to do on occasion).

The Arrow was not so much a road as a straight path with these strange metal stands that stood about a meter and a half in height and were capped in a u-shaped manner (think mini American football goal posts). They were pretty consistent, though they did change in height as the terrain changed, thus keeping their tops on a straight and level path. We followed the Arrow until we finally came upon The Enters, a dark cave into which the metal rod path led. I fired up a torch and into it we delved…

After a few dozen meters of trudging into the wide cave, we noticed that the metal stands seemed to veer slightly to the right, and that the slight echoes seemed to indicate a larger area ahead. Sure enough,  we soon came upon stair case on the left the led to an open cavern of sorts, complete with pillars and a yellow line painted on the floor along the edge of the raised area (think underground railway station – because that’s what it was). There were large planters that contained massive albino killer plants with shooting thorns.

After some positioning and an initial foray against the grotesque horrors, Vico finally decided to rush in. the energy mace, as expected, dealt serious pain, smashing the creature into a pulpy mess. At which point, while raising his weapon to rush the second planter, Vico’s narcolepsy (with a whopping 2% chance) kicked in…and he crashed to the floor, asleep.

Meanwhile, unbeknownst to the rest of the group, our fearless leader, Frictose, had wandered off towards a darkened opening strewn with small bits and pieces of the see-through metal the Ancients used. After killing the remaining creatures and slapping the shit out of Vico to wake him up, the rest of the group noticed Frictose’s absence. One of the other character’s mutation let us know there was something nasty in the darkened corner in which Frictose was last seen, so off we went. On the ground just beyond the once-upon-a-time-store-window lay Frictose, his mouth and nose glowing with a bright blue fluid substance.

Vico immediately leaped into the room to try and aid his companion, only to have the bright blue icy fluid quickly extricate itself from Frictose and hurl itself at Vico’s face. Vico dodged just in time as Skell let loose a blast from his energy weapon – just missing Vico but hitting the creature. Vico was saved; but alas! Frictose was no more – felled by a slurpee.

Vico stripped the body of anything useful, as well as the communicator, and off we went, following the sense of radioactive mutations one of the characters could pick up. Past a door and down a hall we came upon small curved half wall (think reception desk) that filled a portion of the next corner. Behind it were three humanoid creature with crossbows. Without much in the way of ranged weapons – at least not many charges in them – Vico decided to rush them and let the energy mace have its way with them. Once again, the Intuitive mutation paid off and soon the opponents were so much slime on the walls and floor…at which point the GM reminded me he was keeping track of how many charges were being used. Heh.

At this point we decided to call it a night. It was after midnight, and many of those involved had been traveling for a lot longer than the 45 minutes it took me to get to Lake Geneva; not to mention that everyone had busy days ahead tomorrow.

So there you have it. This is the kind of thing that makes GaryCon so special for me. The convention hadn’t even officially started. I had planned nothing for Wednesday night other than perhaps catching up with folks over a couple of beers. And yet here it was, 12:30 AM, and I was finishing up playing in a game I hadn’t played in 30 years with some new friends. That is why GaryCon rocks.

Oh…and I found out later that we are looking to now make this game a yearly event – that is, we’ll keep the same characters and next year on Wednesday night we shall continue their adventures in the Palace of the Ancients.

Many Kudos to Michael Curtis who ran the game and did a fantastic job of making the unfamiliar easy and had a great way of describing the scenes in a way that made something so familiar seem wonderful and mysterious. Thanks to Doug Kovacs who invited me to play and who made Frictose so funny. And thanks to the folks who let me play and who I hope to see next year.

Gary Con V - Thanks

I’m starting with this aspect because knowing me I’ll fizzle out in posting about GaryCon and this is too important to leave until the end…only to get left out due to my own laziness.

Thank you.

Thank you Chris and Luke and Dale. You have created a convention and atmosphere that is second to none. I am thrilled to bring my family every year. If I had one convention a year to go to from this day forward, it would be this one.

Thank you to all the volunteers who setup, breakdown, and in between try their very best to make everything run smoothly. Those who bring drinks and snacks to the people running games so the rest of us can enjoy playing; those who help registration and those who sort out souvenirs; those who spent countless hours figuring out how to get us places to play…it may not be said as much as it should, but thank you.

To the hotel staff who did a fine job and seemed to be all over the place this year…Thanks! And Well Done!

Thanks to all the people who ran games…for me special shouts out to Michael Curtis who ran three of the seven games in which I played; to Tavis Allison who came to this convention, even though he had recently-born twins at home and a broken ankle, because he made the commitment to do so and then ran Night of the Walking Wet well into Sunday morning when he had a hell of a travel day to follow; and to all those that were so kind in running games in which my kids played – they had a blast.

Thanks to all the other attendees who, year after year, are so nice and friendly and welcoming that my kids have said repeatedly, “Everyone here is so nice.”

Last, but never least, thanks to my lovely wife who puts up with this nonsense every year and supports it so much that we’re already planning next year. She truly is one in a million.

The Last of LokiCon - For Now

So this will be the last word on LokiCon (at least for this year)…and only because some of it needs to be said; just not this first part.

So a portion of my time on Sunday (before Dread) I spent gathering up as much as I could get packed and put in the car as possible. I had originally intended to leave in the early afternoon…but given the ride down to GA, I adjust my schedule, deciding to leave early in the morning. I didn’t want to wake the entire house Monday morning, so getting everything possible in the car would kill two birds…saving time and avoiding making noise.

So after Dread I said my goodbyes to the “Chalet People” - because I’d be gone before they returned on Monday morning – and hit the sack. I woke at about 4:30 in the morning. I tried to go back to sleep, but m mind kept running through the list of things that remained to be collected and worrying about my vehicle’s ability to get me home.

Finally I just said, “Screw it!” and got up, packed the car, and left. I was pretty confident I would be jacked up on worry-adrenaline and my suspicions were realized. Though I have to say, I had also convinced myself that the trip down the mountain was no longer my biggest challenge. No, it was the first jaunt up a significant incline near the infamous black gates, and then the winding, vertically-challenging road to Clayton with little transmission fluid.

All the drama was, fortunately, for naught. The Ford made it over the river and through the woods without incident. I stopped at the gas station at which I had last stopped on the way into the hills and topped off the transmission and the oil and checked all of the other fluids. Soon I was making my way through North Carolina and fearing only the weather front predicted to move through the south/southeast.

And, ironically, it was the rain that was the most troublesome…the rain and the strong, swirling wind that accompanied that front. One of the reasons I left early was because I thought I had heard the rain when I first woke up. I did beat the rain out of Georgia and most of North Carolina – most notably, through the mountains. But the precipitation harried me from just outside of Knoxville until I passed through Lexington. This was a challenge because in the craziness of getting everything ready to get to LokiCon, I forgot to check the tread on my tires…and on my front-wheel drive minivan, the two front tires were essentially bald.

The GPS had me continuing on to Cincinnati, but I had my suspicions that heading west would get me beyond the storm…and the decision paid off. Fifteen minutes outside of Lexington, the weather broke, the road dried, and I was happily back on track. I didn't stop for food – I barely stopped for anything. I cranked the tunes, hit Chicago right around rush hour, got lucky with traffic, and made it home about 13 hours after quietly rolling down the mountain in Georgia.

OK…enough of the travel log. For heaven’s sake it’s been two weeks and I’m typing this from yet another road trip. But I wanted to wrap that up so I could really do the following:

Thank you.

Thank you to diaglo for being a great and gracious host, for allowing us to invade his newly built getaway, and for always being one of the nicest guys I've met through gaming.

Thank you to all the people who took the time to teach me new games like Liar’s Dice and Zombie Dice. The former I've played dozens of times since returning home – my kids love it. In fact, I “introduced” it to a group of nieces/nephews at one Thanksgiving dinner and just tonight to adults in my family after the second Thanksgiving celebration. And Zombie Dice will be purchased before Christmas.

Thank you to the great GM’s/Keeper’s who ran games in which I played – dshai for Mammoth Vikings, Keeper of Secrets for CoC, and Rodrigo for Dread. Your time and effort is greatly appreciated.

Thanks to all my gaming cohorts who made every game I played in a riot.

One of the reasons I go to GenCon and do something crazy like drive almost 800 miles to LokiCon is because I know the games will be top notch – it’s always like an All Star event and I feel privileged every time you let me play in your games.

Thanks to all the people who brought and cooked food. I brought some food and was happy to contribute, but I was spoiled by the cooking.

And finally, thanks to all of you who welcomed me into the fold and made a weekend of gaming into a weekend of friends and fun…and all of it worth every moment of the drive.

Thanks all…I hope to do it again some day.

The Heart of LokiCon - Friday Night

People arrived, bottles of alcohol were opened, and the weekend settled into its pattern.

The first evening consisted mainly of board and dice games. The first game I recall playing was Bang! This is a card game where you take on one of four roles - Sheriff, Deputy, Bandit, and...Psychopath or something like that. There are different win conditions for each (for example, The Bandits win if the Sheriff is killed while the deputy wins if the bandits are killed and the Sheriff survives). You keep your role secret from the other players who have to deduce your role through your actions. There are all kinds of cards that determine things, most notable the Bang! and Miss! cards that you play to essentially take shots at other players. Lots of fun. I was a Bandit....we won...

Then we played werewolf. This was hilarious. This is the game with other names (and genres) like Mafia. Everyone picks a card that determines if they are a Villager, a Werewolf, or the Seer. Each night we all go to sleep (close our eyes). Then the werewolves awaken (the Mayor, the title of the person running the game, tells them to) and they choose a victim. Unfortunately for that poor soul, when they awaken (are allowed to open their eyes) the victim's card is taken and they are out of the game. If the Seer survives, they are also allowed a time to open their eyes, point at another player, and get feedback from the Mayor as to whether the player is a Victim or Werewolf. Unfortunately for us, the Seer kept getting killed...because, you see, there's one more wrinkle. Each morning, after the werewolves' victim is removed from the game, the remaining players (some of whom are Villagers and some of whom are Werewolves) get to accuse someone of being a Werewolf. The entire village votes and if there are enough "down" votes, the accused player is removed from the game...and the remaining players find out if the accused was innocent or a guilty. We played..I think three or four rounds of this game. It was a blast, fueled as it was, by this point, by copious amounts of alcohol.

By this time it was after 11 PM...I think close to 12:00 AM on Friday night. I had been awake since 5:30 AM on Thursday with only the short nap on the drive down (see first post). I was in a daze. So I called it quits. Six or eight of my companions decided to break out Trivial Pursuit. I honestly would have loved to play but just could not see me staying awake for the entire game. So I stumbled up to the loft and collapsed on my air mattress. I heard them playing Trivial Pursuit in the great room below and was worried I wouldn't be able to fall asleep - not because they were being loud, but because I feared my mind would start working on the answers and I would get vicariously hooked into playing. I grossly underestimated my fatigue....I'm not sure I even heard the first question and answer.

The Devil is in the Details - Part II

At this point, there was nothing I could do. I mean, I could panic I suppose. I did panic a bit, to be completely honest. But everyone already there - diaglo, Joe Blank, Loki, Strithe, biorph - they were all very supportive. Strithe knows a bit about cars it seems (an understatement of ironic proportions) and seemed to be only slightly concerned. In his estimation it was the transmission venting fluid because it had become so heated on the drive up the mountain.

This did, however, mean I wasn't going anywhere until it was time to leave on Monday. I mean, getting down the mountain is almost completely a matter of stopping your vehicle from plunging headlong in the ravine ahead of you at any given point. Once down, I could always call AAA if needed. So I checked the levels of the transmission fluid, the oil, the power steering and, seeing all of them at or near proper levels, left it for Monday and turned my attention to the purpose of the trip. Let us start with the Devil's Cabin, or diaglo's retreat.

Beautiful. Gorgeous. Stunning. Most of us might envy diaglo for the fact that he has a dedicated game room...now he has two. Only this one comes with views that are truly spectacular.

Here's the "cabin" from the front drive (this was taken later in the trip after some other folks had arrived):

And this view is from the right of the previous picture (where that white van is located):

See that back deck? It runs the entire length of the house. There are access doors on the first level from a screened in porch near the kitchen, the great room, and the master suite. Windows dominate the walls on that side. Mostly it's because you get to see this...wait...I'm skipping ahead....

Now, I was scheduled to get there around 11:30 AM....roughly. But my nap in Dandridge and my three trips between 76 and the Black Gates, including all of the phone calls and checking of emails, added some time. So I got settled in around 2:30 PM or so. I unloaded all the food I brought, put my gaming stuff downstairs in the basement gaming area, and took my air mattress upstairs to the loft. I picked a spot near the window (fortuitous for later events) and set up. I laid out on the air mattress and called home - the irony being that while I was unable to get a signal anywhere down below - when I needed it to call to get directions and such - I got a nice strong signal on top of the mountain.

I could not fall asleep, however. I was in that weird dream-like state where my body was ready to collapse at any moment but I was not tired. And I knew that once I did fall asleep it would be a long time before I woke up - possibly the next morning missing gaming time...

diaglo fired up the grill, I think, and he threw a bunch of hamburger patties on. I say "I think" because I'm honestly still a bit fuzzy on this time. Some of it seems to have gone missing in my head. I do know that it grew darker and people started arriving. Soon we were kibitzing and drinking and eating and chucking dice...

The Devil is in the Details - Part I

I left home around 9:30 PM. I did not want to leave in the morning and arrive in the evening - showing up in the dark. This was one of my good decisions as I ended up getting lost even arriving in the daylight. When diaglo said it was in the back woods of Georgia, he was not kidding.

I started to fatigue early...much earlier than I expected. I also found myself missing my wife and kids very soon in the trip; usually not the case for me. I thought for sure I was going to have to stop early on the I-65 stretch of the trip.

If francisca had joined me, I could have turned it over to him just a bit of a stretch down the road. Alas...

I plugged the iPod into the car stereo and cranked some tunes and suddenly found myself waking up. Amazingly this blast of alertness lasted until just outside of Knoxville. The weather was gorgeous - clear night skies until I watched the sun peak over the tops of the mountains between Lexington and Knoxville.

I called the house about 6 AM Central, knowing that my wife and son would be awake preparing to get him out the door for school. Everyone was awake including my daughter (who usually gets an extra hour and a half to sleep) - seems I was missed already as well.

I finally hit the wall just the other side of Knoxville. I called my wife after finding and pulling into a rest area near Dandridge on I-40 and let her know I was going to sleep for a bit. It was not easy to get comfortable, but I was exhausted enough not to care. I fell asleep and stayed that way for about an hour and a half. When I woke up to the sounds of the landscapers doing their jobs, I could not fall back asleep. I figured it was just as well, shook the cobwebs out of my head - I was groggy! - and got back on the road.

This part of the trip starts tricky and gets worse. For a Flatlander like me, these mountains were interesting to say the least. For my twelve year old minivan with 120,000 miles, they were a challenge. But with perseverance and patience, I was soon in Clayton, GA - the nearest large town to the Devil's Mountain Hideaway. And here is where the fun began.

So, other than the names of the roads themselves being different than what appeared on the screen, my GPS did a pretty damn good job of getting me there. In fact, it got me right up to the very road on which the Devil's Retreat resides...kinda...

You see, I missed the part in the directions diaglo had sent that said after I turn left onto the first dirt track, I needed to bear right on the next dirt track. I exaggerate only slightly...the first "road" was paved for about 20 feet....

So on my initial venture into the final stages of the trip, I ended up at the very end of the first gravel track - after several hills that made my poor old Ford Windstar work well beyond her capabilities. Unfortunately, I had not found the given address, or anything close for that matter. This run up the hill and the subsequent twenty-point turn to get back out was on me, however, as I had not properly read the directions.

So I drove back out to the main road. I had to, because ten minutes down these back roads - roads that had barely enough room for two vehicles of any considerable size to pass each other - left me with absolutely no cell signal. I felt I should call my wife and let her know I was near my goal. I also wanted to look up the directions again to find where I had gone wrong.

Once my wife had been called and the mistake in mapping understood, I returned to the back roads and the gravel tracks. I followed the directions, as counter-intuitive as they might have been given the actual address, and found myself staring at three possible paths. One looked unfinished while the other two were nicely decorated - including names of the folks that did not remotely resemble diaglo. Of those last two, one even had black gates. None of the addresses were even close to the one given in directions - hundreds off and a different "street" name.

Back out to the main road. Without further clarification of the directions, I decided to call diaglo and find out what the hell was going on. When he answered, my first words were, "This was all an elaborate troll to see if you could get me to drive for 13 or 14 hours, right? This is all just a joke or prank and you guys are laughing your ass off right now?"

"Just come through the black gates," diaglo assured me. I was relieved that I was not 100 miles away from where I was supposed to be and that this was not, in fact, an elaborate hoax. Little was I to know the relief would be short lived.

Because, you see, after the black gates, the "road" - a one lane gravel affair of ill repute - began a climb that can only describe as, well, steep...steep as in I was not sure my old Ford would make it...steep and winding...around and up the mountain. But I had come this far and would not be deterred.

After a half mile climb that seemed to stretch for about 3 hours, Old Bessie and I reached the top. I parked the car and got out. Folks came out to greet me and immediately noticed I had trailed some fluid behind the car. I feared for the worst...Bessie had finally succumbed to her limitations after safely delivering me up the Devil's Mountain.

Loki, Strithe, biorph, Joe Blank, diaglo...all of them came out and greeted me and unpacked the back of my van in about 60 seconds - for which I remain grateful given that I had turned to worrying about that fluid. The trail was not made up of black liquid, but seemed t o be a bit lighter. There was no large pool. The trail began right at the top of the hill - in fact past the top and into the parking area for the cabin. It turned out to be reddish in color.

Luckily it did not appear that I had torn the oil pan off whilst climbing the mountain. Unfortunately, I did not know if I had a transmission left, and if not how I was even going to get the vehicle down the mountain to get repaired, much less 800 miles back home....